By Peggie Arvidson

Roaring into the 20s.

Look, I don’t want to flatter myself and think you’ve been following along all year, so I’ll give you a recap: 2019 went sideways before it began and I spent the next nine months flailing like a kid caught in an undertow on what looks for all the world like a sunny, breezy, beach day to everyone else. In short, it wasn’t fun. It was exhausting emotionally, physically and spiritually. However, true to my form the one area of life that was easy was finding a job and working hard.

I’m a classic workaholic – and I have even tried to convince myself that the ONLY way to stay whole – spiritually, physically, emotionally is to work my ass off and avoid looking up and around. I am still not convinced that working like a horse isn’t the key to keeping my life revolving around the sun without incident.

The more I recognize this pattern, the more I remember the remonstrations of my first hand analysis teacher. She insisted that with a life purpose on both thumbs, and a classic fire-earth hand I’d be prone to focusing on material success. She said that with a bit of literally holier than thou attitude. At least I heard it that way. Isn’t that the way communication goes? We hear what we want to hear – or think we should hear. I know you’re not supposed to read tone in email, but let’s be honest, we hear undertones even in spoken conversations. And that’s true for those of us who grew up when our phones were still attached to our walls instead of our faces.

So, I heard her say (with disdain) that to fulfill my purpose I needed to get out of my workaholic, money-grubbing ways and embrace the spiritual teacher path that is the inverse of my life lesson and then I’d be on purpose.

Well. Life or purpose has a funny way of working out.

I had been in the middle of burnout and breakdown just about the time I had my hands read. In fact most people who come to me or other palmists, astrologers or tarot readers tend to be in the middle of some form of breakdown or burn out. Generally being happy and having everything right in your world doesn’t necessarily launch you into getting a reading.

After my initial reading, I worked very, freaking hard to turn my life inside out so I could find my inner spiritual teacher and self and THEN I could start life on purpose. My first clue that this was the opposite of my nature should have been that I was working to be spiritual. At the time, I thought that mean that I was doing it wrong. My perception was that spiritual people don’t sweat the small stuff and rise above the mundane stuff that makes living on Earth such a pain – the need to earn a living.

I even drank that spiritual guru kool-aid that indicated if I were a spiritual being than I could simply set my mind to a life of ease and manifesting what I wanted and it would just appear.

Like Dorothy, I headed down the yellow brick road with little more than my dogs and a cockeyed optimism that I’d find my way back home. Along the way I met more than my share of flying monkeys and some of the most precious traveling companions since the Lion, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man.

After my own personal version of a house swirling through the sky on a tornado,  I’ve landed back where I started before my hand reading, but with so much more understanding that fighting against type only makes the journey more challenging than it needs to be. (Trees throwing apples anyone?!)

The past decade hasn’t been all wasted time though – I have learned to balance – and that includes my undeniable need for hard work. Whether it’s the combination of willpower or elbow grease or sheer determination involved – working my ass off suits me. Now though, I know that it’s not just the money at the end of the rainbow (although that is VERY much an important piece of the puzzle and nothing to be embarrassed about) it really is about the people along for the ride.

Instead of apologizing for my inner workaholic I now introduce her to yogis and meditation retreats so she can keep up with that newfound spiritual side. I have spent my whole life looking for answers outside of me – from security to identity to love and this year, above all else has taught me that if I don’t embrace all the sides of me, I’m never going to have any of it.

For you entering your new decade, I wish you the joy in the journey and the hindsight to embrace the lessons.