Rebuilding a Better Bond with your Cat(s)

June 1, 2026 by oldtowncrier

By Angela Ohm

Earlier this year, I had a series of surgeries (all went well) that resulted in my not being able to play, sleep with, and greet my cats when coming and going like I normally do. To top off the insult, I had a nurse living with us for a week and my mother came to live with us for quite a bit longer. As a result, when I had finally (mostly) healed and all the extra company was gone, I noticed that my cats—Gillian and Josephine—seemed a bit more tentative than usual.

I had adopted them from King Street Cats’ (KSC) What About Me program 8 years earlier. They were adult cats who were a bonded pair (veterinarians came to suspect that they were actually a mother/daughter duo) that had been through a horrible ordeal in a hoarding house. When they came to my home, they had been at the shelter for over a year and were petrified. Over the next few months, they slowly came around and began getting on my lap (at least the mom, Gillian, did — Josephine was more lap-adjacent) and both slept with me. They were like my little shadows and I liked it that way.

Because of the surgeries I was unable to get down on the floor and play with them or even lean down and pet them. They couldn’t crawl on my stomach in bed. I wasn’t even the one feeding/watering them or cleaning up their litter boxes. I was in the house and making sure they were cared for, but was able to interact with them much less and in different ways.

After a couple of months, my girls began to act more unsure. One thing you always need to check when your cat’s behavior changes is their health. My girls are seniors and see the vet twice a year. Josephine has Irritable Bowel Syndrome and is under a specialist’s care so I felt good that their medical needs were being addressed.

As we all know, the internet knows when you are feeling curious about something, so videos of all kinds began popping up on every social media channel I have. It made me reexamine the new normal I had settled into with my cats. I decided to go back to basics.

First, I got back down on the ground with them to play and just hang out. KSC advised this when I first got them and it had worked then. Since they hid under the couches initially, I joked that I never dreamed I would spend so much time face down on the floor. This time, thankfully, my face didn’t need to be on the floor since they didn’t hide under the couches anymore, but my opposite end did need to be closer to their level. Since humans are so big, relative to cats, the thought is that, much like kids, they can get more comfortable if you don’t loom over them.

That is also a much better venue for the slow-blink, although you can do it when cuddling on the couch or bed too. For the uninitiated, the slow blink is how cats say, “I love you.” Look at your cat and slowly blink once for each word and repeat (think close (I), open (love), close (you)). Often, your cat will do that back to you. It is a sign of extreme trust for this creature, who is not just predator, but prey, to trust you by keeping its eyes closed for a longer period of time than necessary thus making itself vulnerable to you.

We began playing with toys again—I discovered the Frisco Cardboard & Wire teaser which is exactly as simple as it sounds. They love it, especially if I hide it under something so they can hunt it down and pounce on it. We played ball on a figure-eight toy track with a flashing ball. They had only been meowing at me for bedtime, now they did it for playtime too.

During covid I had gotten out of the habit of petting them when I came in, I prioritized washing my hands and sanitizing myself after being outside, but I started going to them quicker and gave them gentle pets on the top of the head and just behind their ears (an area hard for the cat to get at) and told them how glad I was to see them. This led to them greeting me at the door more often when I came home.

I redoubled my efforts to not be loud at home and tried to be sure the TV and music were never up too loud. I gave more treats to them when they were curled up on and near my lap when I watched TV or read. And really treasured the opportunity to cuddle and pet them during those times. One thing I never lost the ability to do was play some cat-TV, like the BBC America’s nature specials (my girls like watching the big cats, fish, and birds the best).

It didn’t take long at all for Gillian and Josephine to respond to my return to their preferred normal. Especially with cats who have had a more challenging past, is it rewarding to see how willing they are to give humans another chance — even with we inadvertently mess up. Thankfully, our furry overlords are forgiving.

By: Angela Ohm. Angela lives in Arlington, Virginia with her two King Street Cat What About Me? rescues, Gillian and Josephine, who rule their home with stern but loving meows.