How to Arrive at Your Destination
By Peggie Arvidson
Life throws you curveballs. All the time. Right? You think you’re taking a train to Peoria and the next thing you know you haven’t even left the station. Or maybe you find yourself in the passenger seat, believing your driver is heading to Manassas and instead you end up in Chicago.
What do you do when you end up somewhere you never thought you’d be?
Acknowledge the confusion. I mean, you signed up for a certain plan, program, relationship or destination and then the trip changed and you ended up somewhere else. It’s not a good feeling, no matter how adaptable you are. It doesn’t mean the world has ended though. After all, you’re still standing and you have the opportunity to look around and find your own bearings.
Ask yourself how you wound up so far off track. Look, don’t beat yourself up, but it’s a good idea to dig in and figure out how you may have gotten to the new destination. Were you secretly harboring a wish for a night of good jazz and steak but kept insisting you were fine with a life full of lobst-ah and pasta? Maybe your inner voice was asking for something (somewhere) you didn’t want to acknowledge. What’s that about? Do some introspection to see where you’re sending yourself mixed signals. Make peace with it. Then create a daily practice to come into alignment with your inner longings and outer plans.
If you don’t like where you are, make peace my friend. Peace is a big part of this journey on the planet. Forgive yourself for landing right where you are and treat yourself with some kindness. Then learn what you can, where you are and get real about the next direction. If you’re not going to settle in and plant roots where you wound up, you can move on. Just make sure you’re not moving just for the sake of moving. Have a plan and work it.
Oh, and hope isn’t a method.
Work like a boss to make the changes you want to see. Seriously. No one should be in charge of driving you to your destination but you. Get your hands on the wheel and drive. Make a plan to ensure you have gas, a sound vehicle and the support you need along the way, but for heaven’s sake, resist the temptation to jump in someone else’s car and go for their ride. That’s how you wound up where you are, right?
Working like a boss doesn’t mean you beat yourself up or sacrifice your soul. It does mean that sometimes you have to turn off the internet, or the TV or the mindless Candy Crush so that you can take action in the direction you’re aiming. We only have so much energy, yo, so getting it wrapped up in stuff that doesn’t move us forward is ridiculous. You know that. I know that. Still, we do it. Stop.
Figure out why you’re numbing out – with food, TV, Netflix binges, games, wine – whatever. Doesn’t matter the numbing activity, just that you become conscious of it. It’s time to wake up and be conscious about your own direction and how you can get where you’re going. If someone else is going to drive you, you’re going to be driven round the bend eventually.
Let yourself cry and yell and rant. Find your own inner posse – two or three peeps that you hold dear and trust to keep your rantings to themselves. Let them know you just want to let off steam and don’t need them to fix it or you. Share with them and then resist the temptation to dump your sad story on everyone you meet. Your trip on the planet isn’t up to anyone else. We all need someone to support us, but we don’t need to repeat a story that doesn’t work over and over again to get sympathy. (That is playing the victim card, and as long as you’re a victim, you can’t be the hero.)
Ask for what you want. Ask the universe, or God, or your best friend. Don’t worry about how it happens, and don’t even worry about WHY – all that self-help mumbo-jumbo about getting on board with your “why” is nice – but sometimes you can’t articulate why. You just know WHAT you need and want. So, ask for it. Consciously. Ask whomever you think can help you and be open to the miracles (large and small) that show up when you do. The Why will get clearer as you take action to make the What happen.
You wound up where you didn’t want to go, but now’s your chance to shift that energy and set your sights on precisely where you want to be next. Go forth. You got this!