I’m often accused of being a Polly Anna. Since my mid-thirties I’ve taken the stance that, the glass is half full. Sure, I can still be snarky and I do my share of eye-rolling at some people’s social media updates, but, generally, the world is good place to be.

So forgive me when I assert that at this moment, there is something in your life disrupting your flow. It could be your financial fears and debt woes, or maybe it’s your single status, or even the soul-sucking job that you commute to and from in never-ending traffic.

What it is it for you?

Go ahead and say it out loud or write it down in the margin.

If you do any spiritual, self-help, art-of–attracting work this little exercise feels somehow WRONG doesn’t it? Did you just have the urge to whisper “ERASE! ERASE!” or to scribble out your note because you are desperately afraid of putting it “out there to the Universe.”?

Just take a big breath and allow yourself to be where you are, right now. If you’ve been mantra-ing and affirming and vision-boarding and there is still something that not only feels bad, but downright scares the bejeesus out of you, it’s okay.

You are perfectly and completely human and that is better than fine.

Just because something isn’t going right doesn’t mean that it’s bad, or that you’re bad. The fact that you’re “still” single when all your friends are coupled up and making babies doesn’t indicate that you have some primal flaw or that you need to magically become more or less of anything in order to live the dream you have.

Being an optimist as well as a spiritual coach, I know that you’re exactly where you should be. Being a realist I know that you don’t really give a dang that you’re exactly where you “should” be when you really want to be somewhere else!

Here are some pragmatic tools to use to jump start your change from where you are to where you want to be:

1. Get clear on where you are and where you want to be and focus on the gap between the two. Spend some time understanding exactly WHO you have to be to live your dream. What do you have to change? What do you need to bring into your life? What habits are bringing you down? Here’s an easy way to work through this – imagine that you ARE living the dream (job, relationship, business, financial windfall) – and picture how you are in that scenario. Now ask yourself what’s keeping you from being that
2. As you imagine this new life, dig in and figure out what happens next. For instance, if you land that five-figure client, what happens next? What changes in your life? Keep asking yourself “What’s next?” for any scenario and let it lead you to what’s lurking behind the curtain. Often the dreams we have stay dreamy because there’s a little piece of us afraid of the changes we have to make to sustain the dream in reality. I had a client once who was (in her words) incapable of finishing her book. Once she played this game, she came face to face with the fear that when she finished her book, she’d have to travel to promote it and this meant she’d be away from her boyfriend for long stretches of time. She was worried that her relationship wouldn’t withstand that challenge.
3. Ask for help. No matter where you want to go, or what you want to change, there’s someone who has been there already. If you hate your job, do some networking and ask others to brainstorm with you. Find people who are open to reviewing your resume, your strengths and challenges and ask them to honestly help you come up with a new plan of action. You can hire a coach, but there are others out there who are willing to help if you’d only ask. Start with people you know, but aren’t your best friend or family (they have a way of wanting to tell you what they think you want to hear) and ask for what you need. Not sure what exactly you need, that’s okay, let them know you’re looking for clarity and help in forming a plan.
4. Be specific. Particularly when it comes to “finding love” we put on rose colored glasses. Clients come to me and say, “I want a good, healthy relationship with someone who is my equal.” This sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Yet it doesn’t really clarify what exactly you want! Get really specific on what it feels like to be in that perfect-for-you relationship. Hone in on what happens in the day to day life of you and your perfect partner and recognize how things are going to change for you, in your life, once you find this partner.

If something in your life feels “less than,” I invite you to pick one of these four tips and get going. Feel free to let me know about your successes!

Written by: Peggie Arvidson