In this case “It” could be a job interview, a new product launch, a salary negotiation or a potential client call, or something else that you were really jazzed & positively nervous/excited about.

It’s all fine to bandy about cliches like,  “When a door closes, God always opens a window” and “There’s always a silver lining to every cloud,” but those positive thoughts fly out the window when YOUR personal thing seems to tank before your very eyes.

You’re not a bad person for being ticked off and angry when things didn’t go the way you hoped.  You are not unworthy or less than and the Universe is not trying to make you jump through more hoops until you learn your lessons.

Sure, there’s likely something better out there. How you get from feeling kicked in the teeth to the something better is where most otherwise brilliant women get stuck. Instead of surrendering the outcome  and moving onward and upward, after a brief period of licking your wounds,  you get bogged down in a litany of everything that’s wrong with you – starting with the “stupid” belief that this thing could have succeeded in the first place! Trust me, this is something I know first-hand!

Here are some tips for avoiding the self-flagellation and keeping your positive momentum, even in the midst of apparent failure:

Assess the situation with your logical brain. Remove any and all emotional language and write up a report on the entire process from beginning to end. If you can’t remove the emotional language and thoughts find a good friend or coach to talk through the process with you. Ask them to “delete” any emotional language and replace with factual words.

Walk away! Get out in nature, spend time with pets or animals or simply do some downward dogs or stretches. Step away from the situation for a short time. (this is where having a personal meditation practice comes in handy – it helps you refocus when your brain wants to replay the “disaster.” Have you noticed that in each replay the disaster gets worse?)

Check in with your body. As you review your report don’t focus on the words on the paper, as much as you “hear” what your body says to you about each item. When you feel discomfort in your body, take a deep breath and get curious. “Ask” your body what it’s trying to tell you! If you feel a tightening in neck or clenching of your teeth when you think about a specific part of your preparation, ask what it means. Keep following the answers with more questions until you get to the core issue. It’s possible that you were following a system that worked for someone else, but it didn’t really fit your style, and every time you tried to force yourself into their mold, it caused your neck to spasm. This is GREAT information for when you’re ready to try again!

Do something for someone else.  There is no greater gift than that of genuine service. This means that you are giving (your time, your money, your expertise) with no expectation of a “return.” In fact, I’ve heard it said that true abundance is when we give not looking to receive.  When the outcomes you expected to receive aren’t what you hoped, take some time and give to others. This can be in the form of helping someone carry a heavy bag to their car, holding the door for a parent with three squirming children, or donating an hour to your favorite non-profit to help organize their database, Give with no thought of return and do it from your heart and see what shifts for you in the process.

These are four steps you can take to shake off the sting of what seems like a loss or failure. There are many more tools you can use depending on your specific situation and your personal style and passions.

Just remember, you can surrender your feelings of worthlessness and replace them with a deeper understanding of your true passions. From there you get to take what you’ve learned and create something even more magnificent than you imagined  – in other words, you get to open the window!

~ Written by: Peggie Arvidson