By Lauren Evoy Davis

You’re holding your 90-year-old mother’s hand, and her breathing is slow. She seems to be unconscious, and you’re not sure she can hear you. You’re wondering if you’re doing this right, caregiving at the end of life. This can be a profoundly loving but overwhelming experience.

That’s exactly why Ann M. Thompson (under pen name Grace Amani) wrote “The End-of-Life Caregivers’ Pocket Guide.” As someone who has cared for her parents through terminal illness and who is trained as an end-of-life doula, Ann, who lives in Silver Spring, Maryland, knows how tough caregiving can be. But she also knows how helpful it is to have clear, compassionate advice to lean on.

“There is a huge need for practical information about how to take care of someone who is near the end of life, without exhausting yourself or neglecting your needs and personal responsibilities,” Ann says.

With nearly 53 million people in the United States serving as caregivers, many of whom are supporting terminally ill loved ones with little to no guidance, this compact guide fills a critical void. Ann distills decades of experience into clear language that demystifies the dying process and equips caregivers to face it with knowledge and compassion.

Whether you’re just beginning this journey or deep in its challenges, this guide sorts out the complex emotions and practicalities of end-of-life care—because no one should have to do this alone.

What makes this book different?

• Provides Clarity: Organized for quick reference, it empowers caregivers during emotionally overwhelming moments.
• Bridges clinical and emotional care: It explains what to expect physically, emotionally, and spiritually, without medical jargon.
• Addresses a cultural gap: In a society often unprepared to talk about death, this book gently opens the conversation.

Ann’s Journey to Becoming a Death Doula

Ann and her husband have lost friends and family members to cancer, ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), and other terminal conditions. So, for a long time, she was providing end-of-life care more or less by intuition.

“Then in 2017, my father was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. I decided to become certified as a death doula because I wanted to be sure I knew what I was doing. And it was an incredible blessing! Being trained in end-of-life caregiving enabled me to care for Dad with confidence, all the way through to the end,” she says.

The training taught her lessons she now shares with others.

Comfort Care

At the end of life, it may appear that the dying person is sleeping a lot. And they are. But they can also very much hear, whether in or out of consciousness. That’s why Ann recommends soothing sounds like the person’s favorite music, and telling stories around the person as they would around a Thanksgiving table. Sharing happy memories may relieve the stress of the patient and those attending to him or her.

Scientific studies of Reiki or therapeutic touch show that people at the end of life can benefit greatly from hands-on energy work, which can ease anxiety, depression, and pain. As a Certified Medical Reiki master, Ann knows first-hand how she has helped people who are dying pass away gently.

Sound advice

This book offers both caring guidance for people who aren’t sure where to start.

• Understanding the Emotional Landscape
• Building Emotional Resilience
• Practical Tips for Providing Comfort Care
• Effective Communication Strategies
• Navigating Family Dynamics
• Self-Care for Caregivers
• Navigating the Healthcare System
• Legacy and Memory Preservation

The Importance of Death Doulas

Ann says that in the United States, we are finally coming around to recognizing the value doulas bring to the healthcare setting. We distinguish birth doulas from death doulas, but in many ways, their responsibilities are similar: both provide non-clinical care, advocacy, companionship, encouragement, wisdom, and comfort.

“A birth doula can’t have your baby for you, and a death doula can’t die for you — but in each case, they can make the whole transition smoother,” Ann says.

This book offers useful tools and also heartfelt reassurance, reminding caregivers that they are not alone and that support is available. Whether it’s understanding hospice care, navigating emotions, or exploring gentle practices like Reiki to bring comfort and calm, this guide empowers caregivers to face the process with confidence and compassion. As Ann wisely says, “All you need to do is be there, with your love and support. And let them go.”

The death doula movement is growing. The National End‑of‑Life Doula Alliance (NEDA) reports that NEDA members hail from all walks of life— including spiritual leaders, counselors, and funeral directors, among others. Most death doulas are women, and the majority are between the ages 36 to 60, with a small percentage of doulas who are younger than 35.

What’s a Good Death?

Almost everyone can agree on what they don’t want at the end: they don’t want to be in pain; they don’t want to be scared or anxious, according to Ann. But beyond that, a “good death” can look like anything.

One person may want to die at home surrounded by loved ones. Another might feel safer and more cared for in a clinical setting. “The most important thing is for caregivers to know what the dying person truly wants, and to honor it,” says Ann.

About the Author: Lauren is health writer living on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland. When not writing, she loves paddle boarding.

References

American Psychological Association. Unpaid caregiving is undervalued by society.

https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2024/10/unpaid-caregiving-undervalued

ational End‑of‑Life Doula Alliance. https://www.nedalliance.org/who-are-our-members.html

Dingley C, Ruckdeschel A, Kotula K, Lekhak N. Implementation and outcomes of complementary therapies in hospice care: an integrative review. Palliat Care Soc Pract. 2021;15:26323524211051753. Published 2021 Oct 26. doi:10.1177/26323524211051753