By Timothy Long

It’s January. It’s a time for new beginnings. It’s a time for new thoughts and new ideas. It’s a time to reflect on our lives. It’s a time to ponder change and to set new goals.  And why do we do this?

Because we’re bored.

Let’s face it, this is not the best month, and that’s putting it nicely. We’re all bloated and broke. The holidays have ended, so we’re recovering from that sugar high. The weather sucks on a good day. It’s perpetually cloudy and cold. And even when the sun comes out, you can barely feel it. The days are getting longer, but it isn’t noticeable yet. The only happy people are the gym owners and employees. Their gyms are packed. Well, packed for the first three weeks.

So, while you’re sitting on your couch pining away for spring, let me give you something important to ponder.

Which came first, beer or bread?

This puzzling question has been debated for decades. And people still take sides. It’s not as prolific as the chicken and the egg argument, which has gone on for centuries. By the way, the answer is the egg. Why? Because eggs existed long before chickens. According to Sciencefocus.com,

Dinosaurs laid eggs, the fish that first crawled out of the sea laid eggs, and the weird articulated monsters that swam in the warm shallow seas of the Cambrian Period 500 million years ago also laid eggs. They weren’t chicken eggs, but they were still eggs.

When the question is asked, we assume it refers to a chicken egg. But that isn’t the way it’s stated. So, the answer is the egg.  Be sure to bring this up with your weird cousin or brother-in-law at the next holiday gathering. It’ll make for a great argument and probably an embarrassingly huge loud argument that will cause the neighbors to call the police. But the resulting story will entertain the family at holiday dinners for decades to come. You’ll be a legend.

So, that all being said, back to the original question.  Which came first, bread or beer?

For years we were taught that it was bread. Our ancestors grew grain to make bread. Beer, or alcohol in general, was a byproduct of agriculture. Extra grain was stored for leaner times. People noticed that when you mashed up grain, mixed it with water, and let it sit for a while (probably as a result of an abandoned breadmaking effort), something miraculous happened. The resulting beverage did not smell bad. The taste wasn’t great, but you got used to it. And the short-term effect was wonderful! You caught a buzz!

That theory went unchallenged for years. However, in the early 1950s, scientists began to doubt its validity. Agriculture is the foundation of civilization. But it seems it was the making of beer that drove it, not bread. First of all, beer is easier to make than bread. Second, it has an effect that bread can’t match. Let’s face it, the shift from being hunters/gatherers to farmers must have been stressful. All of a sudden, the group was much larger. You were staying in one place, which introduced a plethora of problems. You had neighbors, and your wife was inviting them over for dinner. Governments, laws, and norms began to form. The simple way of life that your ancestors knew was gone. You’re one step up from being a caveman, and the whole world is changing around you. You needed a beer.

Discoveries at Göbekli Tepe, a 12,000-year-old site in Turkey, seems to document this change. It was a site for worship, no one lived there. There are no signs that any form of civilization was nearby. The people who came there were hunter gatherers who came to worship. Archaeologists found huge limestone vats with grey-black adhesions. These adhesions tested positive for calcium oxalate, a compound that develops in the course of the soaking, mashing, and fermenting of grain. Our ancestors brewed beer before they formed cities. As beervanablog.com states it,

And yet, across the ancient world, we see similar evidence that the first large gatherings of people, centered on feasting, ritual, and booze, happened long before anyone had come up with the idea of planting and harvesting crops. Archaeologists working in the Fertile Crescent have noted that at the earliest known sites the particular tools being used and varieties of grain being grown were more suited to making beer than bread. One recent discovery found evidence of beer-making by the Natufian people around 13,000 years ago, predating the emergence of agriculture by at least 3,000 years.

I’m sure there are theologians out there who hate this theory. The idea of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, or Abraham trekking across the desert, with keg cups in their hands must infuriate them. But the evidence does seem to point in that direction. Beer came first, my friends. The buzz was more important than the bread.

So, when your weird cousin or brother-in-law starts to argue that it was probably aliens who visited our ancestors and taught them how to make beer, just excuse yourself from the table and head to the kitchen. Everyone will think you are polite and want to avoid confrontation, but you’ll actually be making a little hat out of aluminum foil. A hat to place on their heads when you come back out. A fist fight will probably ensue. But your legacy will be secure. Your great grandkids will be telling their grandkids stories about how bold and fun Pap-Pap was. You’ll never be forgotten because legends never die.

Happy New Year, Pap-Pap.

Tim’s Whiskey and Cigar Recommendations

Baby Jane Bourbon

This is one of Widow Jane’s bourbons. Widow Jane is out of New York and makes bourbon with a unique proprietary heirloom corn. Yes, good bourbon can come from New York. Their product line was expanded when they were bought by Elijah Craig a few years back. This bourbon is mild and smooth. It has summer fruit with honey and green grapes on the nose. The palate has honey and caramel, along with hints of apricot and peach. Allspice emerges at the finish, but not in an overpowering way. At 91 Proof and at $50 a bottle, it’s well worth adding to your collection.

Rocky Patel Fifteenth Anniversary Robusto

You can never go wrong with a Rocky Patel cigar. On the first puff, you get hit with a pepper bomb, but it quickly fades. As the pepper fades, chocolate, cedar, and a hint of cinnamon then begin to come through. This cigar is a smooth smoke and draws very well. After the halfway point, floral flavors and a touch of sweetness are prevalent. There is a bit of tartness at the end, but not in an overpowering way. The floral flavors continue through the finish of the smoke. This is a great New Years Day kickoff the year smoke. Enjoy.

This cigar, and many other fine cigars, are available at John Crouch Tobacconist at 215 King St. in Old Town Alexandria. Mention this article and get 10% off the purchase of this month’s recommended cigar.

About the Author: Timothy Long is an educator, writer, consultant, and experienced restaurant operator. Email: tlong@belmarinnovations.com. Instagram and Twitter: @wvutimmy. Blog: What is that fly doing in my soup? http://whatflyinmysoup.com