By Lori Welch Brown

I’m not sure I’m your girl for writing about romance. These days my romance has been limited to The Hallmark channel. Blame it on menopause, winter doldrums, ratty flannel PJs, and/or our fur babies who tend to create bed blockades.

Romance requires effort and self-care. At least for some of us. And a little wine probably doesn’t hurt either.

I’m speaking for myself because I know plenty of middle-aged (I refuse to say ‘senior’ and/or ‘geriatric’) women who are oozing sexuality and romance. Well—I don’t know them personally, but I tuned in every week to watch them vie for the affections of The Golden Bachelor. Skin-tight dresses, Botox up the wazoo, eye brows permanently inked, lips inflated, nails perfectly mani’d. Who has the time and/or the money?!  I tip my hat to you, ladies. And, I happen to be wearing a hat until I can get in to see my hairdresser later this week to cover up these gray roots. See self-care above. 

There are those of you—you know who you are—who have been perusing the red and pink aisles of your fave stores since December 26th when the rest of us *normal* people were standing in line returning our over-sized cardigans and unwanted butter dishes from our significant others. Good for you.

But there are also those of you who are already planning your mid-February hibernations. To you, I can relate. Ugh. It’s one thing when Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday or Sunday, you can easily navigate a weekend indoors binge watching Schitt’s Creek, experimenting with all those facial masques you’ve been hoarding, and eating ALL THE CARBS. But when the dreaded V Day falls mid-week, that’s another story.

Granted—many of you now have the reprieve of working remote, and will be spared the revolving door of floral deliveries that make you catch your breath as they head toward your desk. Just as you are thinking, “Could these possibly be from…,” the lush bouquet takes a hard left into your neighbor’s cubicle leaving the scent of cruelty and aroma of crushed hope in its wake.

But all is not lost because you have the saving grace that is “Galentine’s” Day!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not so old and cynical to scoff at romance and love, but I am old enough to realize the value of friendship. And trust me—your friends are worth their weight in roses and gold.

Instead of pining away for what you don’t have and/or what’s missing from your life, celebrate the month of February—yes, the whole month—with what you do have. Friends. And, quality over quantity! One good friend is better than 38 mediocre ones. If you’re feeling a friendship void, perhaps this is the month to put yourself out there and make a new one.

The easiest way to make a new friend is to start doing something you love, and you’ll meet like-minded people. Love to run? Join a running club. I have made a lot of new friends by taking art classes. The gym is also a great place to forge new friendships as well as chiseled biceps.

Coincidentally, friends and lovers share a lot of similar qualities—trustworthy, loyal, supportive, engaging, honest, dependable. Bonus points for fun, funny, witty, smart, loves dogs, etc. Like a romantic partner, friends can let you down and disappoint you. They’re human…but, a keeper makes it right. A good friend values your friendship as much as you do, and will do what’s necessary to make amends.

I’ve been blessed with great friendships my entire life. Without my friends, I don’t know where I’d be. They’ve counseled and consoled me. Advised me and guided me. They’ve styled me and let me know when I’ve veered off course—in life, fashion, and men. No subject has been off the table. They have stood by me in my darkest hours and have celebrated my highest moments. No offense to my husband, but they were there long before he entered the picture.

I was pretty clueless about friendship and love in my twenties and thirties. Friends were seemingly plentiful, but as years passed, many fell away—some due to geography, life changes, etc. But, the true friends remained and are lifers.

Love on the other hand…I often confused with attention, obsession, lust, and/or chemistry. None of these are love, and the sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be.

No—love is very different. The first time I experienced love, my boyfriend at the time brought me chicken noodle soup and left it at my door when I was sick. He didn’t ‘want’ anything or ‘need’ anything, but to care for me. Although we were both in the early stages of our careers aka broke, he often managed to pull off lots of little gestures that made me feel safe, secure, and deeply cared for.

While that relationship didn’t work out in the end, it did teach me something about how love is supposed to look. Prior to that, most of the dating experiences had been guys saying one thing and doing the opposite. They’d say they’d call and nothing. They’d schedule dates and show me the ghost. Or—their idea of a ‘date’ would be to show up on my door step, half in the bag, and expect dessert if you know what I mean. Sorry—kitchen is closed.

What I was really good at finding was CHEMISTRY. Back then, I thought chemistry was EVERYTHING. Turns out, chemistry is highly-combustible and prone to evaporating very quickly. Fun while it lasts, but don’t expect it to last longer than your manicure.

What does last long, however, is true love and friendship. If you’re lucky enough to find both, consider yourself blessed.

About the Author: Lori is a local writer, painter and pet lover who loves to share her experiences and expertise with our readers. She has been penning a column for the OTC for over 20 years. Please follow Lori online on Medium for more missives like this.