Well, Hellooooo 2022
By Lori Welch Brown
Well, Hellooooo 2022
Gosh—it’s so good to see you. Come, come. Take your coat off. Have a seat. What can I get for you? Hot toddy? BMW 3 Series? Court-side Lakers’ tickets? Gas under $3/gallon?
Whatever makes you happy. We need you to be happy, unlike your predecessor. Hey, man. He tried. I get it. It was a tough start. Talk about guys who got the wrong end of the stick. I mean, hello. He got handed the baton from COVID Guy. He couldn’t even touch it without gloves and sanitizer for God’s sake. What was he supposed to do with that?
Don’t even get me started about COVID Guy. Someone needs to go back to Interviewing 101. Seriously though. Did anyone lose their jobs for bringing that guy on board?
Anyhow, at least 2021 got us vaccines and opened some joints back up. I love my home and family and all that, but there’s only so much Netflix a girl can take. Thank God we could finally dine out—like really out, outside in fact.
Then those crazies stormed the Capitol, and we were reminded why maybe it’s best if some of us stay home. While I’d like to give you credit for getting Señor Crazy out of the oval office, I’m afraid that was 2020’s doing. Anyhow, politics is soooo 2021 so let’s not date ourselves.
So—dare I ask what you have in mind for the coming 365 days? Maybe a little break from making world headlines, i.e., perhaps no pandemics, tsunamis, earthquakes, or alien invasions? That would be cool. Maybe just hang a bit and do some low key stuff. Maybe give Will Smith a call. He’s got a chill vibe going these days. Maybe you guys could toss around a few cool sunrises and sunsets, a few mild thunderstorms. Hurricane? Sure. Why not? Could we find a happy medium somewhere between Katrina and a Category One Lite? Heavy rain, some wind, lots of toilet paper purchases? You know the drill.
I’m just saying I think we could all use a little break. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed or not, but alcohol consumption has gone up a bit. You know the ol’ saying—you can turn a cucumber into a pickle, but you can’t turn a pickle into a cucumber. If things continue down this road, I think we are going to start seeing Amazon drivers delivering valium. Not good, my friend. Not good.
Perhaps you could ask the Big Guy (or Gal, right?) if he/she (maybe no pronouns is best)…Anyhow, I’m wondering if you could ask THEM for not only a reprieve, but perhaps a bit of a morale boost. You know—maybe a surprise snow dusting or an angel sighting. Maybe instead of cicadas, butterflies could come out of the ground? That sounds kinda nice, right? Maybe some fireflies at night with little starry twinkle lights? Maybe lavender scented?
I’m not trying to do your job or tell you what to do or anything, but I was just trying to think of ways that might make your job a little easier for you and a little easier on us. All these natural disasters and virus mutations really take a toll on a person. I know you’re only a few days in and still getting the lay of the land and all, but maybe take it slow. Ease into things. I know Haiti would like that. And, you know California would probably like to see you ease off the pedal a bit. We all know Jose Andres could use a break from feeding the world. And, what about all those poor nurses and doctors. They deserve a break, right? And for real—those Amazon dudes do not need to keep killin’ it year after blessed year.
Here—come put your feet up. Wait—is that too personal? Inappropriate, right? It’s so hard to know these days—especially when we’re not in a ‘real’ office environment. Speaking of which, we had to give up your sweet corner office back in 2020. You know—pandemic and all that jazz. We’re all still just hanging at home on laptops, doing laundry and Zooming.
Maybe another thing to take into consideration—we’re all still dealing with COVID-19. Know what I’m saying? I can’t run like I used to, and I bet there are a few others out there who would be hard pressed to run from an avalanche or tsunami situation like they could back in Spring 2019. I don’t mind wearing a mask, but I get winded a little more easily. And I swapped out my gym card for some yoga pants and a membership to Ben & Jerry’s.
Now that 2021 has officially left the building, we’ll burn some sage and it’ll be full steam ahead. But—normal steam, not like from a volcano or fire-breathing aliens, okay? Pinky swear?
Cheers to a bright, happy and healthy New Year. May your homes and hearts be filled with joy, wellness, and prosperity!
Please follow Lori on Medium. She is a local writer, painter and pet lover who loves to share her experiences and expertise.