by Lori Welch Brown

Go V Yourself!

Since I was a kid, I’ve been drawn to Valentine’s Day.  I love all the pink hearts, red Cupids, and especially the dark chocolate!  Note that I didn’t mention red roses or lingerie, but more on that later.  I especially love those sweet little Valentines in the tiny envelopes you handed out in grade school.  We would decorate a brown paper bag to collect them all in.  Oh, the memories.  I still scan the aisles of CVS to catch a glimpse of them.  Back in my day, they were mostly Mickey and Minnie and Pebbles and BamBam.  Now they are My Little Pony and Transformers.  Cute cards aside, I had my share of some not so very happy “Cupid” days mostly because said “Cupid” must have thought I had the plague for a decade or so.  I don’t recall many years when I was actually coupled up for the most romantic day of the year.  So I write this column every year not effusing grandiose thoughts on love, but more as a white flag offering, if you will, for the lonely hearts club.

For some of you, walking past that card aisle is just plain painful.  I get it.  Maybe you just broke up with someone.  Maybe your person passed away.  Maybe you just went through a divorce.  Maybe you’re going through a dating drought.  Whatever the case, those cute little hearts are inducing your gag reflex and there’s no way to stop the influx of pink!  There are, however, some ways to lift your current grinch-like heart.

Go rogue.  Stay in and watch the most anti-Valentine flicks you can find.  As every single person knows, Netflix can be the best date ever.

Go old school.  Get out the construction paper, Elmer’s and the crayons.  You’d be amazed how the smell of crayons will brighten the cloudiest of days and your homemade Valentine is sure to brighten someone else’s day as well.

Go pink.  Embrace the day.  Wake up, put on everything pink you own, hit the card aisle, bake some heart shaped cookies and toss your pink pixie dust on everyone you see.  If you get through the day without being arrested, you’ll be much happier for it.

Go MIA.  Put the covers over your head and set your alarm for February 15.  Be sure to tell a couple of close friends or family members so you don’t wake up and see your face on a milk carton.

Go poetic.  Wrangle all that angst and get it down on paper.  Some of the best songs and poems ever written are about heart break.  Might as well do something positive with all that pent up emotion so cry it out, baby.  Even if it doesn’t go platinum, doesn’t mean you can’t belt it out at the top of your lungs and feel just a wee bit better.

Go stag.  Bend the rules.  Who the F ever said that someone couldn’t take him/herself out on a date?  Your 2019 resolution was to treat yourself better, right?  Get on Open Table and make yourself a reservation at the best place in town.  If that feels a little too intimidating even for a bad ass like yourself, then march yourself over to the seafood counter at Whole Foods and pick out the best lobster you can afford.  By God, you deserve a beautiful crustacean to stare at dreamingly.

Go hairy.  And they call it puppy love.  Nothing makes me happier than curling up with my Dozer or Macey.  Every tail wag and hair ball spells L-O-V-E.  Make a date on the couch with your little fur ball.  If you don’t have one, there are plenty of little love balls waiting to be adopted.  Seriously—I spent many years ‘alone’, but my life changed 1,000 percent for the better when I got a cat.  There’s something about coming home to a little, living, breathing thing that changes your world.  They are happy to see you and don’t give a rat’s butt how your powerpoint turned out or if you got that promotion.  And, they would love to share that crustacean with you.  Date night at the shelter, anyone?

Go posse.  Misery loves company, right?  Might as well call all your single peeps and make a night of it.  Pull out your ugly Christmas sweater—that will ensure you have some good opening lines.

Go matchmaker.  Go posse, plus one.  Everyone you invite brings a friend…hopefully someone that you or one of your friends might want to [fill in the blank] later.  Beer googles not included.

Go home.  Valentine’s Day is a great time to let your mother bake you cookies and kiss you goodnight as a reminder that you did, in fact, hang the moon.

Go clueless.  You are way too important and have way too many important things to focus on to even realize that something as un-important as some Hallmark inspired holiday is occurring.  Keep your face buried in your phone and carry on, VIP!

Go self-love.  Since when is it against the law to send yourself flowers?!  Or, feel free to take that self-love one step further and…get yourself a manicure!  What did you think I was gonna say?  Get your head out of the gutter—this is a family publication for goodness sake!  But, hey, if the mood strikes, who am I to judge? #selflove

You get the point. Buy those Peppa Pig and Little Pony Valentines and let the love fly…