By Miriam R. Kramer
Former journalist Carl Hiaasen is crazed enough and experienced as a Floridian to understand and gleefully play with the “Florida Man and Woman” characters he skewers in his novels. Yet underneath he weaves his plots as methodically and skillfully as any spider, bringing together personalities from all levels of society who clash and interact in hilarious ways. His newest satire, Fever Beach, proves to be no exception to his usual verbal machinations. He presents imbeciles who reflect not only Florida but also the country, along with the exasperated and inexorable forces opposing them. If you want more laughs, take a look at Florida Man, an anonymous collection of Floridian antics that are just as surreal as Hiaasen’s work.
First appears Dale Figgo, a grotesque embodiment of right-wing buffoonery. Dale has been expelled from the Proud Boys not for ideology but incompetence. During the January 6th insurrection, Figgo smeared his feces mistakenly on the statue of a Confederate rather than a Union hero. His stunning level of stupidity keeps even the Oath Keepers from taking him seriously.
Figgo responds by establishing his own fringe group, the humorously-named Strokers for Liberty, composed of similarly feeble-minded extremists. Hiaasen’s fury at MAGA insurrectionist idiots is palpable as his gleeful but ferocious comedy renders Dale both appalling and inadvertently hilarious.
Enter Viva Morales, an attractive, resourceful newcomer to Florida. Recently swindled by her ex-husband, she scrapes together enough to rent a room in Figgo’s eyesore of a dwelling and takes a job at the Mink Foundation—a philanthropic front operated by the plastic-surgery-addicted and MAGA-supporting Claude and Electra Mink. Headed back to Florida on a plane, she meets Twilly Spree, an eco-vigilante and fan favorite who appears in some of Hiaasen’s other books. The hot-tempered, wealthy environmentalist is driven by rage against corruption and environmental degradation in Florida and will do almost anything to stop it.
Together, Viva and Twilly also uncover the plans of Congressman Clure Boyette, a power-hungry, morally bankrupt politician who orchestrates a voter-intimidation scheme with the Strokers and attempts to launder money through a phony kids’ charity modeled on Habitat for Humanity: The Wee Hammers. Hiaasen revels in Boyette’s absurdity and smarm. As a predator he is more buffoon than boogeyman when he sends payments to prostitutes and dresses up in a dog collar to act out his fantasies.
Meanwhile, Twilly infiltrates the Strokers and creates miraculous chaos in their midst. After their disastrous attempts to take over a drag club in Key West, the anti-Semitic and anti-immigrant Figgo has his broken nose reconstructed by a socially diverse group of surgeons using his scrotal skin.
Hiaasen’s litany of cretins and victims includes Jonas Onus, Dale’s equally dumb accomplice; the corrupt and surgically enhanced Minks; Noel Kristianson, a Scandinavian agnostic run over after being misidentified as a Jewish threat; and the various carnival-freak examples of the stereotypical “Florida Man.”
The Strokers represent an echo chamber of rage and ignorance—a bumbling group of militants painted in clown makeup. Hiaasen’s humor and hilarious word-play make hypocrites, morons, and their schemes come clean: orange groves are desecrated, the congressman is exposed for being on the take, and full-bore MAGAts try to make their mark locally and nationally.
Twilly temporarily converts a willing Viva to his extreme methods of stopping ecological and other forms of destruction. Both stand for justice, retaliation, and Hiaasen’s American way—his fever dreams of stopping the unique idiocy surrounding him in the hopes of achieving a better, more ecologically invested society.
In the end, Fever Beach is Hiaasen at peak form: part dark comedy, part political rage, all ragged, Florida-bleached brilliance, with Florida Man and Florida Woman grotesques wandering through only to meet righteous anger and Looney Tunes vengeance.
So, if you want to overcome your rage at current events with constant laughter, Carl Hiaasen is here for you. His trademark is providing hilarity on every page, offering you catharsis from your own anger at incompetents in Florida; Washington, DC; and everywhere—those who work the levers of power or at least try. I also recommend Squeeze Me, his belly laugh of a book focusing on an unnamed, bigoted president who lives part-time with his bored First Lady in a Floridian mansion called Casa Bellicosa.
As a current Floridian, I have my own favorite “Florida Man and Woman” stories. I prefer the ones that feature someone on a bizarre form of transportation, an alligator or other reptile, and the craziest setting possible. The anonymously-authored novelty book Florida Man features pirate treasure: titles that are synopses of strange incidents for every day of the year. At the end of the collection is a list of real citations and headline URLs where you can read the full stories.
Here are some of my favorites: “Florida Man claims to be ‘agent of God,’ carries rattlesnake on beach.” “Florida Man high on flakka has sex with tree and calls himself Thor.” “Florida Man says his turtle army will destroy everyone.” “Florida man claiming to be Alice in Wonderland says ‘hookah-smoking caterpillar’ told him to destroy liquor store with forklift.” “Florida man arrested for having Trump-shaped ecstasy pills.” “Florida woman sentenced to probation after pulling live alligator from her pants during traffic stop.” “Florida man rides manatee, dares police to arrest him, gets arrested.”
If you are trying to find a silly gift or just many laughs, feast on these. Carl Hiaasen’s Fever Beach and the quotation collection Florida Man will help you work through your exasperation with a heavy helping of absurdity.