By Peggie Arvidson
10 Ways to Remember You are Not Broken.
You are not broken.
It’s a hard thing to remember with the hundreds of thoughts that race though my head in any given minute. From berating myself when I miss a turn as I navigate my new city to chastising myself for having that second cookie I can carry on a stream of negative self-talk from morning to night. Sometimes it happens so quickly and consistently that I barely notice! How can that happen if I’m not broken?
Yet in the small moments of quiet I remind myself that I wasn’t made broken. I didn’t come to this lifetime to berate myself and I’m doing a disservice to all that is good in the world to beat myself up in big and small ways.
We’ve all heard of the law of attraction, right? It’s been overused and commoditized but the gist is a good one. The core principle is that what we focus on we attract. If we’ve all heard that so often that it seems overused, why are we still focusing on negative things? Why can’t we just turn a switch and remember to focus on the good things?
I hear you thinking, “But Peggie, bad things happen every day! Are you saying that bad things happen to me and my loved ones because we’re focusing on them?”
No. I’m not. Even though this basic description gives off the impression of a simple cause and effect process the truth is more complex.
When it comes to living by the mantra, “I am not broken” and the Law of Attraction, here are some good ground rules to keep in mind:
- It’s a practice. Staying focused on the positive doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand. It’s about being present to whatever happens and then responding, rather than reacting.
- You have more power than you think you do. For instance, every moment of every day you can choose how you show up in any situation. When you refuse to participate in gossip you are in power. When you keep your cool while dealing with ornery “customer-service” people, you are in power. Power isn’t about bull-dozing others; it’s about recognizing that you are in choice in every minute of the day.
- Thoughts become things. When you consistently think you are less than or broken, you start to manifest experiences in your life that will prove that you are broken. When you consistently remind yourself that you are whole and perfect, you find yourself having experiences that prove you are whole and perfect.
- People are not born with good luck or bad luck. People create their own luck by responding from a source of love rather than fear.
- All feelings are neutral. Sometimes you’re mad and sometimes you’re happy. Allow the feeling to come in and to flow over you. Then let it go. The more you allow your feeling to pass through you the easier it is to get back to a place of harmony where you actually feel satisfied with your life.
- You are not in charge of other people. Sure, if you have teeny babies in your life, it’s a good idea to care for them to the best of your ability. However, you are not responsible for the happiness of anyone else in your world. In addition, you are not in control of anyone else’s feelings, actions or responses. Resign as CEO of the world.
- Track how much time you spend worrying about someone other than yourself. Whether it’s the pesky co-worker, the annoying in-law or the antics of your grown child, the time you spend worrying about them (patronizing them, yelling at them, and generally buying into their story) is time you could be spending in your own world. That’s a much better use of your time.
- Make an effort to focus on the good things. Whether you keep a gratitude to appreciation journal, send thank you notes to people who make you happy or simply take 10 minutes a day to bask in the good things you have in your life at the moment, do it. If you spend as much time focused on positive things as you do on the negative, you’ll see a perceptible positive shift in how you feel on a daily basis.
- Resist the temptation to play the blame game. I know it seems like your life would be better if: (pick just one!) the economy was better; your mother wasn’t so mean; your husband listened to you; your kids made their beds; your boss gave you credit; the weather would cooperate; etc. Start focusing on one thing every day that allows you to feel better instead of all the things that seem to be blocking your way.
- Bad things are going to happen no matter what you do. This is not because you are bad or broken. It is because the nature of life is to change. Change can sometimes feel good and sometimes it can feel very bad. Allow for the change by reminding yourself you’re not broken.